I sporadically check my e-mail Bulk folder, as every now and then a few legitimate messages slip in there. I’m not sure quite how correspondence from friends ends up with Viagra and Free Diploma offers, but sifting through the junk throws up some rather excellent names offering some rather excellent services.
So if I delve into my Bulk right now, for instance, there’s an e-mail from Heather Lassiter. Her subject is “have a enormous cock Cathryn”. Why Cathryn wants a enormous (sic) cock isn’t explained, but it’s good of Heather to care. Perhaps she’s familiar with another of my bulk e-mailers, one Sean Davila, whose subject line reads “Latoya’s large-scale rod”.
The caring Timothy Clark, meanwhile, e-mails about “Your Health”, while Suzette Rainy is in touch with news of “hot selling pills – codeine”. And Friedrich Dalit writes about “exclusive replica Rolex”. Israel Malonesends an e-mail about my “Approval process”. I open his message, and it is a fantastic offer for easy-dissolve Viagra pills. In Israel’s own words,
When you are young and stressed up…
When you are aged and never give up…
Viagra gives you confidence in any chance, every time.
Hector Ping-San warns me of a scam alert at the Sparkasse Bank, and Major Bender says I can “Get Approved in 48 Hours”. Perhaps he is in league with Israel Malone – but I neither need nor want their approval. Mr. Fong, meanwhile, offers me a cut-price “Micr0s0ft Office” deal, saving $1000 on the retail price, apparently.
Other spam names in my folder include:
Madge Dwyer
Gretchen Burks
Helmut Giavonnini
Zelma Rivers
and, my all-time favourite,
Juan Beaver
What kind of names do you find in your Bulk or Junk folder? Add a comment below and tell me already.
And does spam ever work? I mean, does a nasty spammer ever find an unfortunate who actually buys codeine/viagra/fake Rolexes/university diplomas from a spam e-mail? Have you ever fallen for a spam sham? Now is the time to confess!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: codeine, e-mail, free diploma, lemon, spam, viagra, virus
You, perhaps understandably, dwell on the prosaic, “enormous cock” titles of spam – but dig deeper and you might find literary treasure. I received this beautiful piece of Burroughs/Joycian mash-up from the alluring sounding Luna Long:
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The excellent Nocturnal Emissions have been playing with the positives of spam… see the blog on their MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/nocturnalemissionsofficial